When nerves become something more, knowing where to turn can make all the difference.

For many families, the final week of the summer holidays is a strange mix of excitement and uncertainty. New school shoes have been bought. Uniform has been ironed. Pencil cases are packed. Parents are beginning to think about packed lunches, alarm clocks and after-school clubs. Yet, behind the practical preparations, many parents are noticing something else.

Their child seems quieter, more irritable. Perhaps they're struggling to sleep. Maybe they're complaining of stomach aches, headaches or feeling unwell. Or perhaps they've started saying something that every parent dreads hearing: "I don't want to go back to school."

At first, it's easy to assume these are simply first-day nerves. After all, many children feel anxious before returning to school. Starting a new year, moving classes, meeting new teachers or returning after six weeks away is a significant change, and a degree of anxiety is completely normal. In fact, psychologists often describe anxiety as our brain's way of preparing us for uncertainty and helping us stay alert.

But sometimes those worries don't disappear; they grow, and that's when parents begin asking themselves a very important question: Is this just back-to-school anxiety... or is something more going on?

Back-to-school nerves are normal

Let's begin with some reassurance; most children experience some level of anxiety before returning to school. A younger child might worry about leaving their parents. A teenager may worry about friendships, fitting in or whether they'll cope with the academic demands of a new year. Some children simply dislike change, and others fear the unknown.

These feelings are entirely understandable and, for most young people, they begin to settle once routines return and they realise everything is okay. Experts recommend acknowledging children's worries, helping them prepare practically and avoiding dismissing their feelings with phrases such as "Don't worry." Instead, parents can validate the emotion while reminding their child that they have coped with change before. The important point is this: Feeling anxious doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. Anxiety is part of being human. The question is whether that anxiety begins to interfere with everyday life.

When anxiety becomes something more

There is an important difference between a child who is nervous about returning to school and a child whose anxiety is preventing them from accessing education. As an educational consultant, I've met many families who initially believed their child was simply "worried about school."

A few weeks later, that child couldn't leave the house. They weren't being defiant, lazy, or trying to avoid learning; they were overwhelmed. Children experiencing significant school-related anxiety may begin showing physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches or nausea, even though no medical cause can be found. They may struggle to sleep, become tearful or irritable, withdraw from family activities or become increasingly reluctant to attend school. Some children experience panic attacks. Others become emotionally exhausted by simply thinking about the school day ahead. This is often referred to as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA).

EBSA is not the same as "not wanting to go to school." It is an emotional response driven by anxiety. Understanding that distinction is incredibly important because it changes how we respond.

Why are we seeing more children struggling?

There isn't one single reason. Every child is different. However, there are several factors that can increase anxiety around school. Some children find social situations exhausting; others are frightened of making mistakes. Friendship difficulties can feel overwhelming, particularly during adolescence when peer relationships become central to a young person's identity.

For neurodivergent children, including many autistic young people and those with ADHD, the sensory, social and organisational demands of school can be particularly challenging. Some children have experienced bullying, others have fallen behind academically and fear being exposed. Some simply feel that they don't belong. Research consistently highlights that anxiety, bullying, friendship difficulties, academic pressure, transitions and special educational needs can all contribute to school avoidance. When we understand the reasons behind a child's behaviour, our response becomes much more compassionate.

What should parents look out for?

One of the biggest mistakes I see is waiting until things become a crisis. Often, there are subtle signs long before a child stops attending school altogether. Perhaps your child suddenly becomes unusually emotional on Sunday evenings. Maybe they complain of feeling unwell every Monday morning. Perhaps they're withdrawing into their bedroom more than usual, or maybe they appear unusually angry after school.

These changes don't automatically mean your child is experiencing school anxiety. However, they are worth paying attention to. You know your child better than anyone else. If something feels different, it's always worth exploring.

What should parents do?

Many loving parents instinctively want to reassure. We tell our children: "You'll be fine." "Everyone feels like this." "Just give it a chance." Sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn't. If anxiety is becoming persistent, the first step isn't fixing it; it's understanding it.

Instead of trying to remove the worry immediately, become curious. Ask open questions, such as: "What are you most worried about?" "When do you feel most anxious?" "What would make school feel easier?" Listen without rushing to solve every problem. Children often need to feel heard before they're ready to think about solutions. At the same time, it's important to maintain communication with school. Schools can't support difficulties they don't know about. A collaborative conversation often leads to practical adjustments that help a child feel safer and more able to engage.

Sometimes children need more than reassurance

This is perhaps the most important point I'd like to make; parents and teachers are incredibly important, but sometimes a young person needs another trusted adult. Someone who isn't marking their work, setting boundaries at home. Someone who simply listens, asks thoughtful questions and helps them develop the confidence and skills to move forward. Throughout history, mentors have played an important role in helping young people navigate the transition into adulthood.

Today, many teenagers still need exactly that. Not because their parents or school are failing, but because growing up is hard. Sometimes hearing the same message from someone outside the family carries a different weight.

Building confidence before problems become crises

One of the things that concerns me most is that we often wait until a child is struggling before offering additional support. Imagine if we approached confidence in the same way we approach physical health. We don't usually wait until someone becomes seriously unfit before encouraging exercise; we help them build healthy habits beforehand. Confidence works in a similar way. Young people benefit enormously from learning how to:

• understand themselves,
• communicate effectively,
• manage setbacks,
• solve problems,
• make decisions,
• build resilience,
• believe in their own ability.

These are life skills. Unfortunately, they aren't always explicitly taught within the curriculum.

Introducing Life Ready Mentoring

This is exactly why I created Life Ready Mentoring. Life Ready isn't tutoring. It isn't therapy; It's a personalised mentoring programme designed to help teenagers develop the confidence, resilience and practical life skills they'll need both inside and outside school. Every young person is different, so mentoring can be tailored to their needs.

Some families choose a monthly mentoring session, providing regular guidance, accountability and an opportunity to reflect on progress. Others prefer fortnightly mentoring, offering more frequent support for young people who would benefit from additional structure and continuity.

Whether a teenager is struggling with confidence, motivation, organisation, friendships, decision-making, or simply preparing for the future, mentoring provides another trusted adult who believes in their potential and helps them move forward. Sometimes the biggest change begins with a conversation.

You're not alone

If you're reading this because your child is struggling, I want you to know something: You're not the only parent feeling overwhelmed. Every week, I speak to families trying to make sense of an education system that often feels confusing and difficult to navigate. Questions about SEND support, EHCPs, school anxiety, alternative provision, elective home education, reduced timetables. Who do you contact? What are your rights? What happens next? They're important questions, yet many parents tell me they don't know where to begin.

A free resource for parents

That's exactly why I created the North Somerset Parent Pathways Guide.

It's a completely free resource that brings together practical information, local services, and clear explanations to help families better understand the education system and the support available. Whether you're trying to understand SEND, EHCPs, school anxiety, alternative provision, autism, ADHD, or simply want to know what your options are, the guide has been written to help you feel more informed and more confident.

You can download your free copy here:

📘 Download the North Somerset Parent Pathways Guide

Finally, if your teenager would benefit from personalised support to build confidence, resilience and independence, I'd also be delighted to talk to you about Life Ready Mentoring.

Sometimes children don't need fixing; they simply need the right support, at the right time, from the right people, and that can make all the difference.

📩 Simply send me a message to arrange an informal chat.