If children never experience failure, when do they learn resilience?

I sometimes wonder whether one of the greatest challenges facing young people today isn't a lack of intelligence, opportunity or technology. It's a lack of struggle. That may sound like an odd thing to say. After all, every generation wants life to be better for the next. We want our children to be happier, safer and more successful than we were. We celebrate advances in healthcare, education and technology because they make life easier. We remove obstacles because we believe we're helping.

But what if, in trying to remove every bump in the road, we've accidentally removed some of the very experiences that help children grow into confident, capable adults? What if success has become... too safe?

Over the last few years, I've worked with hundreds of young people. Some have been academically gifted. Others have struggled in mainstream education. Many have been anxious, lacking confidence or unsure of their place in the world. One thing connects almost all of them: they're terrified of getting things wrong. Not because they aren't capable, but because somewhere along the line, failure has become something to avoid rather than something to learn from. I don't think that's their fault. I think it's ours.

We Have Become Brilliant at Protecting Children

Let's be clear. Children should be safe. They should be protected from harm, abuse and genuine danger. That isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about something much subtler. We've become increasingly uncomfortable with allowing children to experience everyday failure.

If a child forgets their homework, we often rescue them. If they struggle with a task, we step in before they've had a chance to wrestle with it. If they don't make the team, we worry about their self-esteem. If they fail a test, we immediately look for someone or something to blame. Our intentions are good. We love them. We want to protect them from disappointment. But disappointment has a purpose. It teaches us that life doesn't always go to plan, that effort matters, and that we can recover. Every time we remove a manageable challenge, we also remove an opportunity to develop resilience.

Somewhere Along the Way, Failure Became the Enemy

When did failure become something to fear? Think about the messages many young people receive. "Get it right." "Don't make mistakes." "These exams determine your future." "Choose the right subjects." "Don't fall behind." The result? Many students stop seeing mistakes as part of learning. Instead, they see mistakes as evidence that they aren't good enough. That's a dangerous shift because real life doesn't work like that. Nobody becomes successful without getting things wrong. Nobody.

Every Business I Know Was Built on Mistakes

One of the fascinating things about spending time with business owners is how openly they talk about failure. Businesses launch products that nobody buys, marketing campaigns flop, employees leave, cash flow becomes tight, ideas don't work. Every founder I've met has a collection of stories beginning with: "I thought this would work..." Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn't, but that's how businesses grow. They experiment, learn and adapt. Failure isn't the opposite of success. It's often the route to it. The irony is that we celebrate resilience in entrepreneurs while unintentionally discouraging it in children.

My Own Story Didn't Begin with Success

People sometimes see the businesses I've built today and assume there must have been a shortcut. There wasn't. Paul and I weren't given a business, inherited wealth, or had access to the Bank of Mum and Dad. There was no investment waiting in the background. Like many people from working-class families, we learned by doing. We made mistakes, got things wrong, adjusted, and tried again.

Looking back, I'm grateful for those experiences. Not because they were enjoyable, but because they taught me something no textbook ever could: setbacks are temporary. That confidence isn't something you're born with. It's something you earn.

Confidence Doesn't Come Before Success

This is one of the biggest misconceptions I see. Parents understandably want confident children. Schools want confident learners. Young people themselves often say they wish they had more confidence.

But confidence rarely appears first. Confidence usually follows competence. Think about learning to ride a bike. Nobody begins confident. You wobble, fall off, scrape your knee, but eventually something clicks. The confidence doesn't appear because somebody tells you to believe in yourself. It appears because you've proved to yourself that you can do it. The same applies to public speaking, driving, cooking, running a business, and building friendships. Confidence grows through repeated experiences of trying, failing, improving and eventually succeeding. If children never get the chance to experience that process, where does genuine confidence come from?

Why AI Makes This Even More Important

Artificial intelligence is changing the world at remarkable speed. Information has never been easier to access. Tasks that once required hours can now be completed in minutes. That's exciting, but it also changes the skills that matter. The future won't belong to the person who can memorise the most information; it will belong to the person who can adapt, solve unfamiliar problems, work with others, and recover when things don't go according to plan. AI can generate answers, but it cannot build resilience, teach perseverance or experience failure and decide to try again tomorrow. Those remain deeply human qualities. Ironically, the more intelligent technology becomes, the more valuable these human characteristics become.

Schools Were Never Meant to Eliminate Challenge

Education has an incredibly difficult balancing act. Children need support, but they also need challenge. Teachers understand this instinctively. A great teacher doesn't simply provide answers; they know when to step back, when to let a student wrestle with a problem and to allow productive struggle because that's where learning happens. The goal isn't to make school easy; it's to make challenge achievable. There's a huge difference.

What Children Really Need

I sometimes think we've misunderstood resilience. Resilience isn't telling children to "toughen up" or pretending life is easy. It's helping them discover that they are capable of overcoming difficulty. That might mean not getting picked for the football team, receiving disappointing mock exam results, or standing up and giving a presentation despite feeling nervous, applying for a part-time job and hearing "no." Each experience hurts in the moment, but also teaches something invaluable: "I survived." "I can improve." "I'll try again." Those lessons shape character far more than constant success ever could.

What Parents Can Do

This doesn't mean stepping back completely. Children still need encouragement, guidance and support, but perhaps we can become more comfortable allowing them to solve problems that belong to them. Let them make age-appropriate mistakes, and experience natural consequences. Resist the temptation to fix everything immediately. Celebrate effort, persistence and courage just as much as achievement. Sometimes the greatest act of support isn't removing the obstacle. It's standing beside them while they climb over it themselves.

A Different Definition of Success

Perhaps we've spent too long asking: "How can we help children avoid failure?" Maybe the better question is: "How can we help children respond well when failure inevitably comes?" Because it will. Life guarantees that. Businesses fail, relationships end, plans change, jobs disappear, and dreams evolve. The children who thrive won't be the ones who never encountered setbacks. They'll be the ones who learned, from an early age, that setbacks don't define them; their response does.

Final Thoughts

When I look back at my own life, the moments that shaped me weren't the easy ones. They were the times things didn't work, business decisions that failed, opportunities I missed and the mistakes I wish I hadn't made. At the time, each one felt like a setback. Looking back, they were some of my greatest teachers. Perhaps that's the lesson we need to remember.

Success has never been about avoiding failure. It's about becoming the kind of person who can recover from it. If education is truly about preparing young people for life, then maybe our role isn't to clear every obstacle from their path. Maybe it's to help them discover that they are stronger than the obstacles they will inevitably face, because confidence isn't built by protecting children from failure; it's built by helping them realise they can survive it, and perhaps that's one of the greatest gifts we can ever give them.